The Best Bit of the Recession so Far was when... I bought 1 iron, 1 ironing board, 1 laundry basket and 20 wooden hangers for 20p!

Small recession related celebration on the blog today. I found a load of TESCO vouchers I’d been hoarding and managed to sort out all my laundry needs for the cost of a couple of chunks of chocolate. In these downturn days, the joy of a tremendous bargain is so very sweet.

The floor is open. How’s the recession treating you? What are the best bits? Have you started hoarding vouchers, making food from scratch or renting DVDs from the library? Discovered Freecycle? (We did and someone gave us a free TV!) Maybe, if you’re also a writer, you’ve lost your job and found more time to write. Whatever it is, banish the doom with a bit of recession celebration.

Finish the following sentence:

The best bit/s of the recession so far was/is when....

The Best Bit of the Recession so Far was when... I bought 1 iron, 1 ironing board, 1 laundry basket and 20 wooden hangers for 20p!

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Help for Fellow Writers

My Compromise

Right - since I'm still trying to get the old bod back to peak fitness, I'm trying not to get too involved with writing and take a bit of a break but... I can't help myself! I'm obsessed. Given that the writing addiction won't leave me, I've set myself a slightly easier restriction to stick to. For a few days/weeks ('weeks'?? who am I kidding?), I'm not going to guest blog or write any articles or even write any of my new novel (might edit my second one a bit though... no? Fine. No editing. Humph.) Instead, I'm going to help other writers out. I'm nice like that.

Jamie Ford - 'Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet'

Right, first things first. Followers of the blog will know that my new online chum is Jamie Ford. As he has been so sweet in shamelessly promoting my author blog - http://rebeccawoodhead.blogspot.com - it's only fair that I do some shameless promoting in return. Here it is. Buy his book.

The Tricky Scenario

Followers will be aware of the current minimalist appearance of my bank balance. Very Zen. Anyhow, with hubby's redundancy and what-not bringing down the income further, it is a sad fact that books have become a luxury. The local library is now my best chum. Put simply: if it ain't there, I can't read it. Here's the problem. Jamie's debut novel is not in my local library. Why? Not published in England yet.

This puts me in the tricky position of promoting a book I have yet to read.

The Cunning Plan

My following is almost exclusively American. YOU can read it and report back. What do you say? If you are English, buy it from Amazon and tell everyone you know about it so it gets published over here super-quick and I can get it out of the library and say:

'I was right - work of genius.'

My guess is that it's a great book because:

1. It's on the New York Times Best Seller List
2. Everyone else says it's a great book

Don't forget; this is Jamie's debut novel so he's effectively almost still one of us. He is just opening the glittery door into the world of fame and ushering one foot out, but his other foot is still in the gutter with the rest of us. It is our job to assist him in freeing that foot from its ordinary status and promoting it to greatness so that we can stare at it - all glittery and star-like and say 'we knew that foot when it was ordinary.'

I've officially dropped into the realms of mentalism. Forgive me. He's probably got it all sewn up anyhow but it's nice to help isn't it?

Help for Following Fellows

Since the majority of my followers are authors or authors-to-be, here are a couple of places you may find useful in your quest to further your writing and meet other writer-people.

The first came to me from 'Moolisa.'

Authonomy

Basically, this is the HarperCollins slush pile in Brechtian format - the mechanics all laid open for you to see. From what I can gather, your work is assessed by your peers and once HarperCollins see there's a market for it, they snap you up. That's the theory anyway. In practice, depending on the writer you speak to, it is either the best thing in the known universe or a giant time and energy-sapping nightmare. I've dunked my toes into the water but not jumped yet. The water seems warm and I'm intrigued. If anyone wants to leap in and tell me to grab my swimming cozzie go ahead, I'm all ears.

goodreads.com

Thanks to Brian for this one. I only went on there for the first time today and I'm already a fan. Essentially it's social networking for readers/writers. You put up books you've read/are reading and rate them; other people comment on your ratings; you put up lists of books you hope to read; readers recommend books to each other... You get the idea. You can also upload your own stories and have them reviewed. Think that might be of interest to some of the writers on here.

Incidentally, Jamie Ford's on there. If nothing else, click 'fan' when you find him. :)

I like the privacy policy. The main reason I have nothing to do with Facebook is that their privacy policy is the work of some evil troll but goodreads' reads good. Give it a go.

Rebecca

Help for Fellow Writers

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From Drafted to Crafted

Operation 'Land Ahoy!' Limps into Action
Right, enough of this nonsense. Operation 'Sh*tstorm' (see earlier post) has been optomistically promoted to Operation 'Land Ahoy!' as the government has offered temporary port-in-a-storm assistance with various fundamendal expenses, which is nice. Glorious subsistence-level bread-line abundance stretches out before us but, perpetual chin-up-edness aside, the third week of my husband's redundancy has been a fun-sapping exercise of the worst kind.

Leaping Salmon or Fetid Fish?
It's not something they've made up to sell papers: there really are no jobs out there. Numerous big (some huge) companies nearby have recently breathed their last and the employment market is flooded with the overqualified and supermotivated. I am reminded of salmon: desperately aiming for one small dot of river; crammed together and unable to move; using up all the oxygen in the water as bears and eagles pick them off like wasp-ridden fruit from a plum tree. Wow. Note to self. Stop watching wildlife programmes.

Close to the Edit
Analogies aside, it's tough out there. Hubby's doing his best on phone and Internet; and pounding the pavements with his head held high and his Curriculum Vitae held higher but no luck so far. My plan to launch straight into my editing has gone awry in the face of such gloom and I have been gripped by the need to do my best housewife impression and focus all my energy on keeping hubby's grin firmly in place. For the most part, I have done a passable job but I have now lost the plot and need to return to my writing. He's a grown up. He'll cope.

Today begins the big edit. The process of looking my work square in the face and chiding it for its very existence is upon me. I must mock it mercilessly and hack it to bits until it cries
'No more! For the love of all that's good and green! Why me? Why??'
Should be fun. Wish me luck.

From Drafted to Crafted

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Happy Depression!

Technically, I'm not blogging or writing for a few days - it's supposed to be a break but it's torture. All the books say you should take a couple of weeks off after writing a novel to think different thoughts before going back and reading the thing with your critical editor's eye in focus. I'm not loving it. It occured to me that I could legitimately publish an off-topic post and that would enable me to stay within the non-writing rule a bit.

How to Enjoy the Recession/Depression
A recession is upon us. What fun. A jolly challenge presents itself and we all get the chance to perfect a bit of old fashioned stiff-upper-lipped Britishness (whether British or not.) Dust off the brown tea pot, polish up your knitting needles, get out your baking trays, it's show time! Some of the following will only apply if you're English but the general gist of it should be of assistance regardless.

• Don't be a wimp. If you need to cry about the economy taking a downturn, losing your job etc do it now and get it over with... finished? Good. Get counselling for it once the economy picks up again but for now, get over it; there's more important stuff to do. Remember something that is easy to forget in a capitalist society - you are more than the sum of your belongings - Get some lipstick and, on your bathroom mirror, write the following in 'large friendly letters': DON'T PANIC!
• Edit your friend wardrobe. If you have any friends who only judge people on the basis of what they earn or possess, they need to go. You can pick them up again when the economy picks up - if you want to - but for the time being they will make you spend too much and cause you all manner of hell once they lose their own money and realise their lives are empty. Get out while you can. Friends cost money and in a recession you can only afford the good ones. Work out their 'cost per grin' value and if it fits into your happiness budget they can stay.
• Poverty doesn't kill you. Starvation kills you. Enjoy your food. Rejig your attitude to your jiggly bits. Stop asking 'does my bum look big in this?' Start asking 'does my bum look small in this?' If it does, eat some biscuits. If this recession turns into a depression, some people will starve. Make sure you are not one of them. Carbs are your friends. Throw out the sugar substitutes. Shake that healthy butt. Camels have humps for a reason and so do you. Celebrate your body's ability to store calories for later use. Exercise them off again when the economy picks up. Until then, remember that rice and pasta keep for ages so if there is a supply problem later in the year or the price goes up due to requirements elsewhere on the planet, it won't hurt to have some in a cupboard.

If you are in financial difficulty, contact the following people:

The Council: you may be entitled to housing benefit - most people are. If you have less than £16,000 in savings you could be getting help with rent while times are hard. You've paid your taxes so the money's yours if you need it. Stop being proud and call them. They're nice people. Really. Be kind to them - they have lots of angry people going in and shouting at them. It's not nice. Smile at them and they'll help you. You may also be entitled to help with Council Tax etc. This particularly applies if you've just been made redundant.
-Citizens' Advice Bureau: They'll help you take the right steps for your particular situation, put together budgets etc.
- Payplan: These people are amazing if you have any problems with debt. They are the ones the Citizens' Advice people or National Debtline will put you in contact with if you need help sorting out your finances so go straight to them if this is your particular problem. They can put together an IVA for you or a debt management plan or advise on things like bankruptcy and relevant financial legislation and they are FREE!
- www.moneysavingexpert.com You can download forms if you've been mis-sold insurance or need to claim back bank charges etc. There's advice on what to do if you've been made redundant, been messed about by your bank etc. There's an answer for just about everything on this site.

If you're not in financial trouble, have oodles of cash and don't know what all the fuss is about take the following steps:

• Look at why this is. If you have inherited money or made a killing out of business, the ultimate source of your profits will be the difference between what you or your ancestors paid for people's time and effort and what it was actually worth. If it weren't for the work of the masses you wouldn't have the cash and if these same masses don't get back to work, you won't have anything to spend your cash on. Don't feel bad about being loaded, it doesn't make you a bad person, but don't feel too smug about it as it doesn't make you a good person either. You've been helped out along the way whether you know it or not, so now's the time to do something about it.
• Spend some of it. Look around; think which businesses will affect the local community most if they disappear and spend more cash there.
• Pay taxes. Stop it with the tax-haven malarkey. It's just wrong in the current climate. Pay some tax in your home country. Go on, you know you want to really.
• Give some away. None of this 'ooh, look at me, I'm giving away money' stuff - unless you really need the approval in which case do it. Try giving money away to people who really need it. Who in your county or country needs some money and would do something great with it? Just give it to them. Do this with at least 10% of your worth every month. Wipe out your affluenza at a stroke.
• Buy organic. Lots of people are having to adjust their organic and green principles in favour of annoying things like avoiding starvation and hypothermia. You don't have to do that so splurge on organic, environmentally and ethically sound produce and keep these people in business. Keep partying for the greater good.

Happy Depression!

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A Tale of Two Days

Two Taxing Days
I am surfing a giant stress wave. There are only two more days until my first-draft deadline which would be stressful enough were it not for the nightmare pair of days I am currently contending with.

Loyal followers will know the story to this point. Newcomers should travel through some of the 'journey so far' and come back so you are aware of the gravity of the situation before reading this post. Go on. We'll wait for you....

Hobbits on a Hill
Ready now? Good. Through the magic of squirreling things away and being creative with chickens, we had enough cash to pay for rent and heating for another month. Looking through our paperwork in an effort to be super-organised, I noticed something scary. My car needs an M.O.T. and Road Tax by the end of the month. Just as I realised this, the temperature plummeted and one of the reassuring lines on the oil meter (which heats the house and water) disappeared.

'Never mind,' I thought, 'I can take some of the heating budget and throw it at the M.O.T. then I can make it SORN (put it off the road.)'

It was a matter of seconds before I realised that I know of nowhere actually off the road where I can store the thing so I can't avoid the full whack of tax even if I want to. It was a matter of hours before another reason not to follow the plan arose. My husband's car broke.

Long story short, the battery was dead and had to be jump started but, as we stood knee deep in snow and surveyed our isolated Hobbitonesque village, we knew that we couldn't avoid the stark truth: modern-day Hobbits need cars and modern-day cars need tax.

My car, being still with tax and M.O.T. for a few days, carried us to the Council Offices for the second taxing event of the week.

"Money for Stamps Guv'nor?"
'We are Povs,' we said, 'be we worthy of benefits?' We didn't actually say that, but that was the gist of it. Many bits of paper were shuffled through and a few reassuring noises were made. We'd heard a few of these the day before at the Citizens' Advice Bureau where our organisational skills and ways with chicken carcasses were applauded and we were told that we'd done all that could be done and they could do no more for us.

'When I am homeless,' I thought, 'I will carry my library card and beg for cash with which to print out manuscripts and buy stamps. I will be the mad, novel-writing bag-lady. "Money for stamps; money for stamps!" I will shout.' I went into a bit of a Dickensesque dream until the man asked us to leave his office.

Anyway, back to the Council Office. Well, the good news is that we may be entitled to a few scraps of government assistance, which is nice, and since the library is close to the Council Offices, Hubby and I went in and loaded up on free literature.

The Deadline
The book is nearly finished. So close now. I feel almost optimistic about hitting my deadline. This afternoon, I'm off to get the car M.O.T.ed. Pray for me that it passes. When I get back I will be typing my fingers off. The novel must be finished. The world may be falling down around me but I have a deadline and as the Internet is my witness, I will finish my novel on time!

A Tale of Two Days

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I think This Counts as an Extreme Weather Event!

A Very Specific Kind of Storm
Operation Sh*tstorm is go! Well, the weather was predicted so the foot or so of snow outside is no shocker but my husband being made redundant yesterday is. Fortunately, my 'hope for the best; prepare for the worst' philosophy has caused me to collect rice the way a Dyson collects dust. Great big sacks of it. (Dysons don't have sacks so that may not be the best analogy but the rice comes in sacks so stick with it.) In the event of twice the current snow and half the current income, the rice will see us through.

Hubby and I formulated Operation Sh*tstorm when the economic climate dipped. We anticipated panic if he ever lost his job so we put together a folder of relevant documents (benefit forms, to-do lists etc), labelled it 'Operation Sh*tstorm' and put it on a shelf. When hubby came home without a job yesterday, it was the work of seconds to locate 'Plan B.'

Our food budget for this week is a little over a pound each a day - if they can do it on Big Brother I don't see why we can't. I toyed with the idea of panic. I considered rocking backwards and forwards on the floor for a couple of days but it seems daft so, instead, we set the alarm for 7.00 this morning, hubby rewrote his CV, applied for every benefit we might be entitled to and searched the internet for jobs, while I wrote another chapter. Only another couple to go now!

In the unlikely event that everything takes an even greater turn for the worst and we end up on the streets, I'm keeping very close hold of my library card. They have computers and I have books to write.

I think This Counts as an Extreme Weather Event!

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