Word Nerd Gifts. Check Out My Shop!

Only another couple of pay days until Christmas. Can you believe it? Now's the time to buy your pressies, and drop big hints about what you want. To help you with both, I've been a bit busy at my virtual kitchen table building a Word Nerd Gift Shop. Check it out and leave your thoughts below. Hope you like it! 

The shop has a home behind the Word Nerd Gift Shop tab above. The UK version is http://zazzle.co.uk/wordnerdarmy* The US version is http://zazzle.com/wordnerdarmy* - and it looks as if the US postal service has approved my stamp!!! The Facebook version is http://bit.ly/wordnerdgifts .

Word Nerd Gifts. Check Out My Shop!

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Stephen Fry, The US Election, and Harmonious Existence

The last couple of weeks, I've witnessed so much hatred, and such a lack of sense and dignity. I thought - as a feminist - that I should blog about the issues raised by Stephen Fry's recent comments. Sexuality, social cost, and cultural oppression need to be discussed. But not like this. Not with this venom. Let's work towards harmonious resolution of inequality. No bullying.


I wanted to write about the dear, sweet, person that Stephen Fry is. I wanted to detail all the many ways he has gone above and beyond to help me, and others of my female friends. I wanted to scream out 'THIS IS NOT FAIR! HOW DARE YOU CALL THIS MAN A MISOGYNIST' and go into pages of explanation as to why this is not the case. It would fall on ears that are hungry for salacious gossip. It wouldn't be heard.


I've watched, as the right and left political wings of America tore each other new orifices: the personal attacks of the supporters every bit as gruesome as were the attacks in the run-up to our own recent elections. I watched, too, the added element of religious hatred, and intolerance.


The flip side? My father was dying, and people of all religions prayed for him. Services were held in the religious places of 'opposing' religious tribes. You know what? NOT ONCE did anyone try to convert me, or my family, to their faith. Not once. Atheists sent love, and kind thoughts. They did not lay into the religious people. The religious people did not lay into them. All the different notes of belief merged into one harmony: love. I didn't feel the need to pick out one note and say 'THIS IS THE PERFECT NOTE. ONLY PLAY THIS NOTE.' It was beautiful to hear all of these notes played so freely.


So. What has this to do with Stephen Fry? Sometimes, he hits a wrong note. Sometimes, we all do. We are not, however, creatures of a single note. Each of us contains an orchestra of instruments. Some are in tune with others. Some are not. This is WITHIN ourselves. We hold competing beliefs. We're a bunch of hypocrites. That's not a criticism. It's the nature of the human state. If you look at political questionnaires, it's blindingly obvious. We want free health care, and low taxes. We want governments that handle the big issues and take the tough decisions, yet we punish them when they do. The only way to handle this conflict is to see the bigger picture - hear the whole piece of music. If you focus too hard on just a single note, you miss the beauty of the whole. Aristotle said something about that, I believe. You need to step back. You need, sometimes, to let the music play without trying to control every last thing.


In time, I hope, Stephen Fry will be back. Maybe he will be moved by the extent of the reaction, to study the issues facing women. Maybe he will make a documentary, or series, on persecution faced by women around the world for expressing their sexuality. It says a lot about our own culture that some throw-away comment by him about female sexuality has got more coverage than the imminent execution of a woman (by being stoned to death) for adultery. The blood lust of certain journalists for the hide of someone who dares to be successful and wealthy is sickening in this context.


Before I go into too much detail - not my intention here - I'll end with this thought:


We are all different. We are all human. We all mess up. Religion, gender, sexuality, political beliefs... these are all areas of difference. For this reason, they are areas of battle. They need not be. If we respected difference, valued friendship and kindness over being 'right' the whole time, and looked at the bigger picture, they COULD be areas of harmony.    

Stephen Fry, The US Election, and Harmonious Existence

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NaNo (No! No! No!) WriMo

I don't do NaNoWriMo. I've watched it since it first started, but didn't jump in until last year. BIG mistake. I am NOT NaNo compliant. It screwed up my whole writing year. No exaggeration. I already had everything I needed to write a novel. I'd done it before. The interference of others during the NaNoWriMo process wrecked it for me. The perfect creative flow established over the previous years jarred into a whole year of chaos.


In a way, this was a good thing. I had a bunch of non-creative stuff to do. The last year has been about the business side of writing: 

• Setting things up for publication 
• Building a kick-ass platform
• Getting smaller pieces of creative work published
• Getting articles published in print media
• Working out a solid business plan for my writing for the long term

 This is all important stuff. The endless obstacles in the way of publishing my first novel are starting to annoy the heck out of me. I like deadlines. I can't fix a reliable deadline on this, and it is beyond frustrating. Every time I'm within an inch of publication, the giant Pigeon of Delay flies overhead and drops something smelly onto my plans. I'm not giving up though. No! No! No! The novel will come out (PLEASE let it come out by Christmas!!!)  


Anyhow... back to NaNoWriMo. It is a great idea - if you're not me - and I plan to support it just as much as ever. Let me know in the comment section if you're taking part, and give me your Twitter name so I can add you to my NaNoWriMo list (the VERY FIRST EVER NaNoWriMo list on Twitter, by the way).

NaNo (No! No! No!) WriMo

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Is Your Writing As Important As You Think?

'Be someone for somebody' - J Shroeder 

Since May, my father has been fighting for his life. Part of me wanted to abandon social networks. Part of me wanted to abandon friends. Part of me wanted to abandon writing. But I didn't.


Why? 


Because others hadn't. I had watched one friend write through the death of her mother, and another through the death of their father. I had watched friends write through illnesses and catastrophes. They didn't go away because things got tough. They kept writing, because it was important.


How Important Is Your Writing?


Very. It turns out that it's important for reasons that are not immediately clear. The part of us as writers that wants to throw in the towel when 'bigger' stuff happens, is the part of us that judges our own work. We forget that others are ALREADY invested in it, whether we've sold it or not.


When I was struggling to pay for heat last year, one thing kept me writing. Obviously, the people who said they wanted to buy my books were a huge motivator but even more so were the aspiring writers who wrote to me saying:

PLEASE keep writing. I watch what you go through and it gives me faith that I can succeed. If you give up, I will give up.

I got loads of emails like that. Even more surprisingly, I got loads of emails like this:

PLEASE keep writing. I am [poor/losing a family member/suffering from a chronic illness, etc, etc] and I don't know how to go on. Watching you handling all this stuff gives me faith that I can too. If you give up, I will give up.

Now... obviously the responsibility for a person's happiness and choices lies with that person, and threatening writers with emotional blackmail is not a good thing, but the point is that you have no idea who you are touching, or how, or why. 


The idea of the hermit writer is fine if you are one. We are not. Even if you never leave your house physically, you do so in spirit and mind every time you connect to the web. Other people use you as a point of reference for their own lives. 


To put it another way... if you have been blogging, or on social networks, consistently for more than a few months, you are a landmark. You may be a little well in a village, or you may be the Statue of Liberty or Big Ben. It doesn't matter how big you are as a landmark. If you are a point of reference for someone, you will be missed in ways that have nothing to do with your own personal world if you disappear.


If other people are important to you, and you have become important to them through writing, then your writing is important. It's not as important as YOU think. It is as important as THEY think. With all its imperfections, grammatical tensions, and flaws, it is an expression of the human condition. Whatever life brings, and however insignificant you feel, keep sharing your writing. You never know who you are helping. 


In the spirit of sharing... after nearly half a year of operations, a coma, and all sorts of life-and-death drama, Dad came home yesterday. In an hour, I will see him, aneurysm-free for the first time in years. Before I went to see him, I had to write about it and share it with you. It was important.

Is Your Writing As Important As You Think?

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Please Pray. Dad Just Rushed into Operating Theatre

Dad was recovering well, but things suddenly changed. He's been rushed into the operating theatre for an emergency operation. PLEASE pray and/or send positive thoughts.


Thank you.


Rebecca

Please Pray. Dad Just Rushed into Operating Theatre

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How to Handle Trauma

Thank you to all those of you who've been praying for my dad. It isn't easy to cope when someone you love is in a coma, or not able to communicate with you. I've been through this with a friend before, and it's very stressful. That said, I've also been in a coma myself so I know that however stressful it is for me - or the family, or Dad's friends - it is way more stressful for him.

Rather than just feel sorry for myself (which helps nobody), I thought I'd try to be honest about this experience while I'm going through it, so that I can try to help anyone else going through something similar. Dad would expect me to do something like this, and I can't let him down. 

If you're going through trauma...

1. Keep going. Breaking down is not an option when other people depend on you. As long as there is hope, there is work to do. Be honest and practical about what Covey calls your 'circle of influence'. What CAN you do? 
   • I can ask people to pray. 
   • On occasion, I am allowed to see my dad. 
   • I can look after my mum. 
   • I can take care of myself so that I'm strong enough to be there for my dad.
2. Expect nothing. When my brother died, people who'd been there for me all my life disappeared. My best friend never contacted me again. Expect nothing of the people around you. It's not about you. They have their own issues. Many people talk up a good game when it comes to supporting others, but flake out the moment you need them. My brother used to like the expression 'friends are like parachutes. If they are not there for you the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.' Even family members can sometimes fall into this category. Don't get involved with it. You have enough on your plate.
3. Wonderful things can happen. Miracles can, and do, happen. There are other good things that happen too, though. The flip side of point '2'. Some of the people you least expect to be there for you, will be there. I can't overstate how supportive some of my Twitter friends have been. Some have been more supportive than 'real world' friends or, even, family. 

I hope this helps someone. There's loads more I could probably put, but I've got to rush off and see Dad. Keep saying prayers and sending positive messages.

Rebecca

How to Handle Trauma

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† Please Pray For My Dad. Thanks.

By chance, during an unrelated scan, my father was found to have an aortic aneurysm. We were told in May that there was a one in four chance he could die any day. I can't imagine how terrifying this period of time has been for my dad. The surgery to fix this problem was life-threatening but necessary.

He went through the operation, only to wake from the anaesthetic and be told they'd done nothing. A huge, painful scar showed the ordeal of the operation, but the aneurysm was still in place. It was in an awkward position, and he would need treatment elsewhere - if a doctor could be found who was willing to take on the surgery.

We waited. Eventually, a wonderful doctor stepped forward. Dad was making a good recovery from the first operation when we heard he would now go in for another. Dad was adamant that the operation should go ahead as soon as possible. A few days ago, it did.

The last couple of days have been very difficult. The operation took over eleven hours. He has been in an induced coma since then. There was a point when we thought he would have a leg amputated, but that has not happened. Yesterday, he came out of the coma but was not able to speak. He's now been sedated again. We can't communicate with him, and we don't know how he feels or what the effects of the operation have been on him. 

During the last operation, so many people online prayed for my dad and when I told him of this, it meant so much to him. He can't tell me anything at the moment, but I know it would mean a lot to him if my online friends prayed for him again. Please tell people at your churches, and ask them to share his story and pray. If you are not a religious person, please keep him in your thoughts, and think positively about his recovery.

Thank you.

Rebecca

† Please Pray For My Dad. Thanks.

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